Earplugs for Couples: Melita Kuhar on “Safe Silence” and Better Sleep

⏱️ Estimated reading time: 11 min

Key Takeaways

Sharing a bed is meant to feel like closeness. For a lot of couples it becomes a nightly negotiation instead: one partner snores, the other lies awake listening, and by morning both are tired, irritable and quick to snap over small things. Looking for earplugs for couples is often the moment people realise the problem is not the relationship, it is the night.

We are BOLLSEN, a hearing protection company from Ljubljana that makes reusable silicone earplugs for sleep, music, work and travel. BOLLSEN works with Melita Kuhar as a partner. Melita is a Slovenian relationship and family counsellor who runs Svetovalnica, her counselling practice, where she writes about couples, families and the everyday habits that keep relationships healthy. Sleep and silence come up in her work again and again.

What is “safe silence”, and why does it matter to couples?

Safe silence is the phrase Melita uses for the feeling of peace when two partners can rest together in quiet without growing distant from each other. It is not the silence of emptiness, she explains, but the silence of connection. To reach it, both partners need to sleep well, free from disturbance, noise or the sense that one of them is sacrificing their sleep for the other.

Melita stresses that the quality of our sleep, and the quiet in which the brain works through the impressions of the day across the different stages of sleep, strongly shapes how we feel and how we react to triggers around us. A tired partner is simply a less patient partner. Writing on her blog about a couple she worked with, she put it this way:

“After using earplugs, the couple who had been struggling to sleep together became even more emotionally connected, because both of them were well rested and therefore kinder to one another, and, in summary, they created a ‘safe silence’ for their night’s rest.” Melita Kuhar (translated from Slovenian)

Original: »Po uporabi čepkov za ušesa se je par, ki je imel težave s skupnim spanjem še bolj čustveno povezal, ker sta bila oba naspana, s tem bolj prijazna eden do drugega in kot povzetek sta oblikovala ‘varno tišino’ nočnega odmora.«

Why does a partner’s snoring disturb sleep so much?

A partner’s snoring is a repeated, irregular sound right next to your ear, which makes it hard to tune out at the moment you most want quiet. The situation Melita describes is familiar to many couples: one partner snores, the other spends the night half awake, and in the morning both get up tired, irritable and more likely to flare up over small things.

According to the NHS guidance on snoring, snoring is very common and is not usually caused by anything serious. It happens when the tongue, mouth, throat or nasal airways relax and vibrate during sleep, and it is more likely in people who are overweight, smoke, drink too much alcohol or sleep on their back. Night-time noise matters for wellbeing in general, too: the WHO Night Noise Guidelines for Europe set a target of 40 dB for night noise outside the home to protect public health.

You cannot always change how a partner breathes in their sleep, but you can change how much of it reaches you. Our guide to sleeping next to a snoring partner goes deeper into the options.

How can you sleep next to a snorer? Practical steps for couples

The aim is a calmer night for both of you, without one partner moving to the sofa. These steps work best together:

• Talk about it during the day, not at 3 am. A conversation over breakfast lands far better than an elbow in the ribs, and it turns snoring into a shared problem rather than a fault.
• Earplugs for the light sleeper. The NHS suggests that a snorer consider asking their partner to use earplugs if the snoring affects their sleep. It is the simplest step and works from the first night.
• Get the fit right. An earplug only works if it seals the ear canal. If a plug feels loose or works its way out, try a different size rather than pushing it deeper. BOLLSEN’s AR KI TECH ear measurement matches you to a size from two photos.
• Handle mismatched bedtimes. Whoever goes to bed first can put their earplugs in straight away, so a later partner’s footsteps, phone or reading lamp matter less. If light is the issue, a sleep mask such as the BOLLSEN Deep Sleep Mask gives total darkness.
• Help the snorer sleep on their side. The NHS lists side sleeping, along with not smoking and not drinking too much alcohol, among the lifestyle changes that can help.
• Know when to see a GP. If snoring comes with breathing that stops and starts, gasping or choking noises, or daytime sleepiness, the snorer should speak to their GP, as these can be signs of sleep apnoea.

For couples whose sleep keeps being disturbed night after night, earplugs are a sensible first step for the listener. If poor sleep carries on for either partner despite these changes, speak to your GP.

Why does Melita recommend earplugs to the couples she counsels?

Melita began recommending earplugs to couples in her counselling who were dealing with disturbed sleep and mismatched sleep habits. Her reasoning is practical rather than romantic. Many of the tensions couples bring to counselling are made worse by tiredness, and a partner who has slept is more patient, more generous and better at listening.

Earplugs are a small tool, but they remove one of the most common reasons for one partner to resent the other’s sleep. Instead of one person keeping watch over the noise all night, both get to rest. That is the heart of safe silence: nobody has to choose between sleeping and staying close.

Which earplugs suit side sleepers and couples sharing a bed?

For sharing a bed, the best earplug is one you forget you are wearing. BOLLSEN Life+ is a reusable earplug made from hypoallergenic silicone with a patented conical two-lamella (double-flange) design. It sits low and flush in the ear canal with no protruding stem, so it does not press against the pillow when you sleep on your side, and a small tab makes it easy to remove in the morning. More on choosing a low-profile plug is in our guide to earplugs for side sleepers.

Life+ is a passive earplug rated SNR 24 dB, and its attenuation rises with frequency, from around 22 dB in the low and middle range to roughly 35 dB at 8 kHz. It does not shut the world out completely: you still hear what is around you, just quieter, and a loud alarm stays audible because it is loud. If you are wondering about wearing earplugs every night, our article on whether sleeping with earplugs is safe covers hygiene and comfort.

Each pair is washable with water and mild soap, reusable up to 100 times, and comes with an aluminium travel case on a keyring, so it fits into a bedside drawer or a weekend bag. Life+ comes with a 40-day money-back guarantee, and the AR KI TECH version adds photo-based sizing for the closest fit.

Healthy sleep, healthy relationships: our shared mission

Our partnership with Melita Kuhar rests on a simple idea: healthy sleep is key to healthy relationships. Through her counselling and her writing, Melita reminds couples how important peace during the night really is. Our part is to make that peace easier to reach in any bedroom.

Melita joins a small group of professionals we work with, including a German hearing specialist who chose our earplug to carry under her own brand, as described in our piece on what hearing protection audiologists trust. For everything else on quieter nights, start with our hub on earplugs for sleeping. Sleep, silence and relationships are closely linked, and a good night for both partners is a good place to start.

Sources

• NHS: Snoring
• NHS: Sleep apnoea
• World Health Organization Regional Office for Europe: Night noise guidelines for Europe (2009)
• Melita Kuhar, Svetovalnica: Svetovalnica blog (in Slovenian)